So, I've Got Options...

If you’ve ever wondered if the grass in greener on the other side--if you’ve ever looked at your husband and thought, “Why-oh-why did I ever marry that?” as he’s sitting on the couch watching TV night after night. Or, “My husband just doesn’t do it sexually for me so I’m going to just flirt with other men so that I feel sexy again.” Or even if there are days when you aren’t sure you like your husband, mush less love him, this blog is for you.

Maybe you think dating would be more fun--you'd have options. Well, let me show you the options that you possibly (or probably) have (listed in no particular order).

 Option #1:

I was at WalMart and ran into a man who I went to high school with. We were standing in the cleaning supply aisle exchanging about 28 years worth of info. I have to admit, he’d aged very well and was very good looking.

I’d finished the quick run-down on my three amazing kids and two failed marriages when he began his. “I’ve been married a couple of times, too, but I’m just not very good at being married—too much monotony. Hey, wanna go out some time?”

“Uhhhhh. Gosh, you know, no matter how flattered I am [insert sarcasm here], I think I’m gonna pass.”

 Option #2: 

I was flying from Seattle to Spokane for work and our plane was one of those little ones where you can actually see the propellers and where weight fluctuations matter. A very tall, nice looking man sits down in the seat next to me. Tall, as in his knees were crammed right up into the seat in front of him. His hands were also huge and he wore a wedding ring.

We exchange pleasantries as I’m getting my book out to read. Usually, this is the first clue to my seatmate that I am really not that friendly and would prefer to just sit in my little area minding my own business. But not with this guy. He asks what I do, which, to be conversational, leads me to ask him what he’s doing going to Spokane.

He tells me that he’s headed to a week in a cabin in Spokane on a lake and five other buddies are going to meet him there. He bought the cabin for he and his family so they could leave Chicago during the hot summer and head to Spokane where there’s lots of fishing, hiking, horse back riding, hunting, camping and boating.

He asks me if I ride horses and I tell him I don’t—I’m pretty much a city girl. He asks about my personal situation and I tell him I’m divorced with three children. He wonders why I haven’t remarried yet.

“Is it because you haven’t found the right man yet? A pretty little filly like you just needs to be tamed, that’s all. I bet you’d give some cowboy quite a ride, wouldn’t you? Yep, that’s just what you need—to be tamed.”

(REALLY?) I respond, “And I suppose you’re just the cowboy to do that, right?”

He laughs and says, “I’d like to give it a try. Why don’t you come join us at the cabin when you’re done working?” Ugh. Married and a pig. And some poor woman who lives in Chicago loves this man and trusts him.

I say, “You’re married.” His response? “Darlin, everyone cheats.” Uh. I don’t.

Option #3:

I’m flying from Phoenix to Orange County (I see a connection between airports options, do you?) and am settling into my aisle seat when a man-- in a polyester track suit zipped halfway down his stomach, not wearing a shirt but he IS wearing a heavy gold chain with slicked back dark hair (got the picture?)-- sits down in the window seat. This leaves a seat between us, which apparently, he doesn’t like because he scoots right on over to me.

He introduces himself and tells me what he does for a living. (He’s a motivational speaker who works with Suzanne Somers and her organization on Bioidentical hormones. He’s also worked for years with Tony Robbins. Or so he says.) He’s pretty much talking non-stop.

At this point in the trip, I’ve been up most of the night with travel challenges and am extremely grumpy. I seriously put on my “Get the f***” away from me face. (And I suppose I need to work on perfecting this because it just didn’t work.)

“So, what do you do?” I tell him that I’m a sales trainer for a direct selling company. Of course he wants to know what a direct selling company is so I tell him our company has sales representatives around the nation who sell products during home parties. They’re really fun—a host invites her friends over, the host earns free and half-priced items and the guests have fun.

“Oh, is that like a Tupperware sort of thing?” “Sort of,” I reply.

“Do you work for that company that sells sex toys because I can totally see you doing that! So, are you married?” I think at this point I told him that if he didn’t move back over to his window seat I was going to wrap that gold chain around his neck and then pull it through his nose. I’m not exactly sure, but I think that’s what I may have said.

More Options?

You need more options? How about the guy that was so in love with his wife that when they got divorced, because she wasn’t happy, is now out dating. But to him, “dating” consists of one night stands with very casual sex (so casual he sometimes doesn’t know or remember their names). Here’s another one—the guy who’s had a DUI (or two) who’s given up alcohol but has neglected to tell you about his porn addiction (or gambling, or cheating addiction). Or how about this one--the greatest guy—he’s fun, he’s honest and kind, but was so hurt in his last relationship that he can’t let anyone else in—or won’t.

So, ladies, these are definitely options.

Now compare those options with that guy you’ve got sitting on the couch—the one who would hold your hair back from your face while you’re puking your guts out; the one who loves you even though he may not say it all the time; the one who wants to make love to you whenever and wherever if only you’d give him the nod (or even a brush-by); the one who knows what you’re thinking almost before you do; the one who shows up to help when you’ve locked your keys in your car or just holds you while you cry and have a “crazy” moment.

As long as he’s not a cheater, a liar, an alcoholic (or has other addictions) or verbally or physically hurts you in any way, I’d say that guy’s a pretty great option. And the grass isn’t greener on the other side—it’s just different grass.