Are Those Real?

There is nothing like a Krispy Kreme doughnut—especially when the red light is flashing. You know the one. The one that lets you know there’s a warm, gooey, sweet, intoxicating, mouth watering Krispy Kreme doughnut waiting there—just for you.

Those sinful taste bud delights are the first thing to go when the dreaded four letter word rears its ugly head … D-I-E-T. Saboteurs like Krispy Kreme were not my usual stomping grounds.

However, I had just finished video taping a “how to” and did it live and off the cuff and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. And my kids deserved them. You know me. I’m all about my kids.

The aroma of fresh doughnuts. Wow. I think that smell must be a pheromone to me because it kind of makes me moan. It certainly makes me breathe heavy.

Back to the doughnuts. What a hard decision. As I’m studying the doughnuts and trying to justify buying more than just plain glazed doughnuts, a short, dark-haired man asks me what I’d like. I give him my order (a dozen glazed doughnuts) and he boxes them and brings them to the cash register.

He rings up my doughnuts and gives me the total and then he stares. Not just any stare, but a STARE. The kind that makes you think you have something hanging off your lip or mascara smeared under your eyes.  Or he wants to eat you for dinner.

He asks me, “Are those real?”

(Camera pans to me, open mouthed and wide-eyed)

Now, you can imagine what I’m thinking, right? Actually, with as many voices in my head as I have, I had a few thoughts. The first was, “What? How dare he?!!”

The second was “Wow, this guy has some nerve. To ask a woman he does not know, in public, if her breasts are real. Wow.” I have to be honest, it was part admiration, part disbelief.

So, I said the only thing you can say in this circumstance which was, “What?”

“Your eyelashes. Are they real?”

My eyelashes? You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Those came with the body. Yes, they are real!! I was almost disappointed. (If you've ever seen my breasts you know why!)

“Yes, they’re real.” I say, feeling like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone. Or I'm looking for Ashton Kutcher.

“Your husband. He is lucky man. Your eyelashes are beautiful.”

So, the husband I don’t have is lucky for my long eyelashes? Boys are dumb.